I've come to a revelation, my husband always made this point, that I always seen as kind of extreme or silly, but over time the Lord has confirmed it to me as I have prayed about it and I’ve finally sat down to write about it. I am so thankful for my husband as my headship.
Obviously, I already agree that a woman should never counsel a man, but my husband has shown me that a man shouldn't counsel a woman either. Now let me clarify... We have to have a man as the head of the church; a bishop/a pastor/a shepherd...
1 Timothy 3:1-5 ~ "1 This is a true saying, if a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work. 2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; 3 Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; 4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; 5 (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)"
Paul says that a pastor has to be the husband of one wife because a pastor will be in a situation where a woman needs counsel. However, some great men of God are single, widowed or divorced because of a rebellious wife that refused to submit when her husband came to the Lord.
Sadly, as my husband points out when a pastor counsels a woman one-on-one, feelings from either gender can possibly develop, so why it is not wise to have opposite genders being counseled one-on-one alone. It should be a group setting, other church elders present. This is for safety. This is wisdom.
1 Corinthians 14:35 ~ "And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church."
When a pastor counsels a woman, he should have her ask her husband first. And if a woman is seeking counsel from her pastor because of her husband is unable to give an answer, her husband should ask the pastor on her behalf or at least have her husband present when she asks her pastor. There shouldn’t be one-on-one counsel between a woman and a man.
1 Thessalonians 5:22 ~ "Abstain from all appearance of evil."
This is because to have no stumbling blocks, no love kindled, even if accidental or non-intentional. A woman is not to awaken love in a man's heart with no intention of loving him or establishing a relationship. Song of Solomon 8:4.
Same goes for a man, a man is not to awaken love in a woman's heart with no intention of loving her or establishing a relationship. Awakening love in another's heart is easy, and why it is to be avoided with all costs. Why a single man and single woman shouldn't talk one-one-one unless it is with intention of a relationship, which is to be made clear to one another of being exclusive and going through the courting process.
Of course a married woman and a married man shouldn't talk one-on-one without each of their own partners present, the husband of the woman, and the wife of the man should always be present. In a marriage, each partner should know where the other is at all times. A man should not be counseling a woman one-on-one, it should be with his wife present and if he is single it should be in the presence of an assistant pastor or elder woman of the church.
Titus 2:3-5 ~ "3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed."
Women teach women, men teach men. The pastor being public with other trusted elders when counseling a woman so that no love is kindled and no appearance of evil is given. Leaving no room for the enemy to bring anyone astray in lust or hurt.
I thank my husband for teaching me this, as well as fellow righteous brothers and sisters who furthered the conviction because of asking me to add their spouse as a friend on social media, brothers and sisters that message me with their spouse's in the conversation. I apply this conviction, if you are a brother and I message you, my husband is in the conversation with us, so please don’t mind and understand why. I am truly convicted this is Godly order; we must always go the extra mile for holiness.
It’s not that, “Oh my spouse trusts me in a conversation alone with the opposite gender.” It’s not about that, I trust my husband and my husband trusts me… This is about establishing respect and involvement, not acting as individuals, but acting as one flesh. The husband as the head and the woman as the body is Biblical order.
We need to understand that there is godly jealousy and ungodly jealousy. Ungodly jealousy crosses the line into paranoid-possessiveness of irrational fear, which neither my husband nor I have. To point out Numbers 5:14, nonetheless we must prove our innocence to our partner, but may we never have to have our partner question our faithfulness. In a healthy marriage, neither partner has to question the other's faithfulness. As my husband and I trust each other and have confidence with one another. My husband is from the Philippines where this order of communication etiquette has not yet been lost like it has here in 21st Century America. As Christians, may we bring back this moral standard.
Even our God is a jealous God...
Exodus 34:14 ~ "For thou shalt worship no other god: for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God:"
2 Corinthians 11:2 ~ "For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ."
Protecting our marriage from any evil that tries to put it asunder because there are sexually immoral people out there that will try to be house-wreckers. Guard your marriage from physical, emotional and spiritual wickedness. And guard your purity if you are a single brother or sister. The Lord will bless you this much more if you go the extra mile.
Be blessed & stay sanctified,
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