"When is it justifiable to divorce my husband/wife?" This question is frequently asked in the Christian community, because as heathen before we were Born Again we may have had a divorce and we want to know if it was justified or unjustified. We may know someone who is seeking a divorce. We may want a divorce, but do not know if it is justifiable. Your partner may be cheating on you... Which, is the only reason God gave for a justifiable reason to divorce your spouse is for reasons of adultery.
Matthew 19:6-9 ~ 6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. 7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? 8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
Law of Moses that Lord Jesus is referencing is...
Deuteronomy 24:1-5 ~ 1 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give [it] in her hand, and send her out of his house. 2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's [wife]. 3 And [if] the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth [it] in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her [to be] his wife; 4 Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that [is] abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee [for] an inheritance.
The frequent question I get asked by women is: "Only adultery is a justified reason for divorce? What about abuse?"
First of all... Most of the time, if a man is abusive, he is also adulterous. Beating your wife obviously takes a more seared conscience to do, it is a very cowardly and dishonorable thing to cause harm to a woman.
Colossians 3:19 - “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”
Second of all... The Bible is clear that abusing another person is an abomination. Wives are of higher status than a slave and the Bible is clear that slaves are not to be abused. If you do abuse your slave, then that slave is to be set free. Cannot the same pertain to a wife since she is of higher status than a slave? If you do abuse your wife, then that wife is to be set free from the marriage.
Exodus 21:26-27 -"26 If a man strikes the eye of his male servant or his female servant so that he destroys it, he will let the servant go free as compensation for the eye. 27 And if he smite out his manservant's tooth, or his maidservant's tooth; he shall let him go free for his tooth's sake."
Let's not use abuse as a loophole though, I hear many women justify their own rebellion and un-submissive behavior because of abuse, mainly emotional abuse which is very subjective.
1 Peter 2:18 ~ Servants, [be] subject to [your] masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward.
Women will use the argument of, "If my husband isn't obedient to God, if my husband doesn't fulfill his role by loving me like Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25) if he doesn't treat me the way I want to be treated, then... I don't have to do my role." Repent of this doctrine. You have a desperately wicked heart that is looking for loopholes. Jeremiah 17:9.
Excuses for your flesh not to be crucified. We are to die to our flesh, our will and to do God's will... So our sinful will as women is to rule over our husband, control our household... But God's will is that we be meek and submit to our husband. So in order to have salvation we must be crucified with Christ, dying to our will, picking up our cross daily. So women die (Galatians 2:20) to their will (Genesis 3:16). You not dying to your will, just because your husband isn't doing his role, is not an excuse for you. You will be judged individually.
That's why when I see women justifying their rebellion because of emotional abuse, I actually end up seeing that's she's not being emotionally abused, but she simply doesn't want to submit. She feels emotionally abused because she is called to be meek, quiet and submissive... In this feministic society, expecting this behavior from women is sexist and abusive. Patriarchy is taught to be something evil.
I'm not justifying a man's abusive behavior if his abuse is legitimate, and not just being accused of abuse so the woman can feel justified in her rebellion. That's why we need to fear God, because we need to examine the intentions of our own hearts. Look at the story of Smith Wiggleswirth's wife... Mary Featherstone... Her husband would get angry at her when she'd leave the house to go attend her Bible studies, he'd lock her out of the house and make her sleep on the porch. Smith would only let his wife back into house the next morning, and when he'd open the door, she'd ask him, "How did you sleep, dear? What can I make you for breakfast?"
Do we really have an excuse when this woman was filled with the Holy Spirit to react with such poise, patience, meekness and love? Most women in society today would call the police in the same situation, because we're raised in this society where long-suffering with such behavior is wrong. Such tolerance is not to be shown. Yes, the actions Smith Wigglesworth did were wrong, but was his wife's tolerance in vain? Absolutely not. Smith Wigglesworth became an evangelist. This scenario is a beautiful example of Scripture being demonstrated...
1 Peter 3:1 ~ Likewise, ye wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
Even if your husband isn't obedient, submit to him. Submit to Godly commands, if your husband commands you to sin then you are not obligated. In all other things though, submit with no excuse. Win him over by your Godly conduct. Just as Mary Featherstone did. We may not be able to win over everyone with our conduct, but we are commanded to try. The other individual still has their free will. We each will be judged individually though. Ezekiel 3:18-19. All we have to worry about is doing our part, doing our role. Stop blaming others for why you are not doing your role. Focus on what you need to do for God and stop focusing on what others should do for God. You will be judged on your role. They will be judged on their role. You not doing your role because another isn't doing their role will not be a valid excuse on Judgement Day. Don't use another's sin, to justify your own sin.
Now, back to topic at hand... Divorce. Now that we establish that both adultery and abuse are justified reasons for divorce, and how we must examine our hearts if we seek to justify our own rebellion...
Let me now expose the No Divorce-No Remarriage cult. Their doctrine consists of that if you were ever married and then divorced, you can never remarry. Doesn't matter if you are the victim or the perpetrator in the divorce, both parties are to remain unmarried. False Doctrine!
We already read in Deuteronomy 24 and Matthew 19:9 that remarriage is justified if your previous partner was adulterous towards you. As well as abusive to where your life is threatened. To completely expose this false doctrine of no remarriage ever...
1 Corinthians 7:10-16...
10 And unto the married I command, [yet] not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from [her] husband: 11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife.
So if a woman depart/divorce her husband, obviously for unjustified reasons she is to remain unmarried, she may not go and marry another man. She may only be allowed to be reconciled with the man she divorced.
12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
So if your spouse is not a Christian, but they are peaceful and happy to remain married with you, then you should be happy and remain married to them. You may be able to save your unbelieving spouse.
15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]: but God hath called us to peace. 16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save [thy] husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save [thy] wife?
If the unbeliever departs/divorces you, then that shows their heathen ways, but you, the victim of the divorce is justified to remarry. You are not in bondage. In short, the victim of the divorce is justified to remarry... The perpetrator of the divorce is unjustified to remarry unless the reason they are divorcing is for reasons of adultery or abuse. Again though, let's fight for our marriages as Christians. As verse 16 said... Who knows if you will save your wayward spouse. Let's demonstrate Christ's conduct of being long-suffering. Let the heathen be the one to issue the divorce, not the Christian.
Though sometimes there are scenarios where the unbelieving spouse is abusive and refuses to issue a divorce... Legally that is... Although spiritual divorce is breaking the covenant of marriage by committing adultery or being abusive. When one spouse breaks their wedding vow... They are the ones who have issued a divorce. We have to look at things both in the spiritual and legal law... Because the No Divorce-No Remarriage doctrine tends to only look at the legality of things...
For example... If a man and woman are dating, they have sex, and then the man gets deceived by the No Divorce-No Remarriage cult and the woman he is dating was previously married and divorced, the man never being married... This doctrine says its a sin for this woman to remarry, but the man can go on ahead and marry another woman that hadn't been previously married. "His sin was only fornication/pre-marital sex. It's not adultery like remarriage is."
This doctrine, lessens the seriousness of pre-marital sex. Adultery in the heart. They only look at the legality on pieces of paper... What does God consider marriage? A piece of paper? No. Marriage is the act of marriage, which is sex. Becoming one flesh is sex. Man into woman. One flesh. Every man or woman you have had sex with... Has been your spouse... To further my point with Scripture...
Genesis 24:67 ~ 63 And Isaac went out to meditate in the field at the eventide: and he lifted up his eyes, and saw, and, behold, the camels [were] coming. 64 And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel. 65 For she [had] said unto the servant, What man [is] this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the servant [had] said, It [is] my master: therefore she took a vail, and covered herself. 66 And the servant told Isaac all things that he had done. 67 And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's [death].
So here we have Isaac and Rebekah meeting for the first time, Isaac then takes Rebekah into his mother's tent, obviously to have sex, and Rebekah became his wife because of the act of sex. Becoming one flesh. Becoming married. The act of sex makes you married. There was no ceremony here, Scripture doesn't tell us that Isaac invited the whole tribe and a feast was made, etc. etc. If you wish to add to Scripture that's your choice to assume what they went into the tent to do. To further my point, we'll go to the Samaritan woman as an example...
John 4:15-19 ~ 15 The woman saith unto him, Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, neither come hither to draw. 16 Jesus saith unto her, Go, call thy husband, and come hither. 17 The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband: 18 For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly. 19 The woman saith unto him, Sir, I perceive that thou art a prophet. 39 And many of the Samaritans of that city believed on him for the saying of the woman, which testified, He told me all that ever I did.
So the woman says she has no husband, the man she is with she must only consider a boyfriend, or together only for sexual pleasure. She doesn't consider the man she is with her husband, but obviously Jesus does consider him her husband because He calls him her husband. He actually rebukes her and tells her that she has had five husbands... Or rather, she has had sexual relations with five men. Lord Jesus told her all the things she ever did and that's why she called Him a prophet.
Sex is such a spiritual thing, the action is a covenant that creates soul ties that shouldn't be put asunder. God wants it to be one man with one woman, but we are all so adulterous. I don't like when Christians try to undermine their sin and say, "It wasn't adultery, it was just fornication because it was pre-marital sex." No! Sex equals marriage. If you have sex, you are married. If you have sex with that person, you are to stay with that person. Of course, many of us didn't stay with the first person we gave our virginity to. We need forgiveness and we need to forsake our past adulterous ways...
In short, look at your marriage... Who is the perpetrator of the divorce? Who is the victim? Perpetrator of a divorce is defined by the spouse who broke the covenant by adultery or abuse. He/she is the perpetrator. Again, don't justify your rebellion... Fight for your marriage... Be patient and long-suffering. The victim of the divorce is allowed to remarry, but be long-suffering for who knows if your conduct will save your spouse's soul.
Love you. May the Lord Jesus bless you.
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